Skateboard Stereotypes
by Greg Davidson

Have you seen this stereotype at your local skatespot?

There are many, many more stereotypes that the article does not have ample opportunity to cover and I am sure that you, the reader, are aware of this inevitability of our human nature. The point is that we all stereotypes in one way or another, and the beauty of skateboarding is that we can all still chill and have a good time skating with total strangers. It is a actually a positive thing to do in this world and it's a lot better than giving out H.J.'s in the Taco Bell parking lot, I will tell you that.

drawings by glenn


Girls-Let's face it, girls just aren't that good at skating and therefore don't belong at skate spots. It has to do with their bone structure and their center of gravity. Don't be mad that you suck ladies, it's just science, and you can't argue with that. We all know that if Elissa Steamer had a cock and balls she would have never gotten sponsored.

- This character in our human drama is a dead give-away. The cruiser can be seen traveling at a high velocity in an erratic manner all over the street course. A concern for the safety of himself and others goes against everything he stands for, and if you get in the way he will mow your fucking ass down.

-Noticeably different from their "girls" counterpart, chicks are primarily at skatespots to hang out with us scumbag skaters, look good, maybe clean up some trash if they're ambitious, and hopefully hook up with one or all of us at any given time. The only drawback of "chicks" is that eventually they will get on everyone's nerves and cramp the session. Studies show that 92% of the time this happens the day after you or one of your buddies hooked up with the chick in question. You got to know when to cut a bitch off, so remember my words, NO SKATING WHILE DATING!

- Easy to differentiate from the rest of the crowd, a lurker neither dresses like a skater nor has a skateboard on his person. These types are attracted like wild fire to the constant lack of supervision and disregard for authority figures that is a strong presence at most spots. At times they can be useful and come bearing gifts in a liquid or botanical form, which can result in great times all around. More commonly, the results can be negative resulting in blown up skate spots, ruckus and a variety of other bullshit that is a result of not having a real hobby.

The Sponsored guy- This figure usually stands out for their exceptional skills on a skateboard. At times it is best to sit back and watch the sponsored guy take care of business and throw down some tasty fucking tricks. With great power sometimes comes great responsibility, so beware of fruitcakes like Ryan Sheckler. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing and his existence brings shame upon all other sponsored guys just trying to make a living. One minute he's ripping the street course, the next he's in a port-a-potty with his fingers inside a ten year old.  I'm just saying, I don't trust the guy.

Punk Rockers-Tight ass pants.

Gangstas- Baggy ass pants.

-When the filmer and photographer are on the scene, some gnarly shit is likely to go down. For obvious reasons, many skateboarders prefer to film and photograph all of their best skating. People who see the world through a piece of glass in a viewfinder can be fucked up in their mind, so be careful and do not make any sudden movements while tricks are going down around this species.

The Kook
-From the sunglasses and lifted truck to the corduroy shorts, the kook seems to have never really tried skateboarding before but thought it would be a quick and easy hobby to pick up this week. Wrong! You fucking suck, go back to the beach or learn how to ollie in your driveway. (Damn, I'm a dick)

The Skate Crew-The backbone of skateboarding clearly lies in the every day skate crew traveling around from spot to spot in search of something better than the shitty spots in their hometown. Time will tell that most never go pro or make a living off the sport, but the dedication, passion and commitment to the art of skateboarding is unmatched. Don't forget, if you fuck around too much the skate crew can cause great bodily damage and has also been known to retaliate viciously when provoked.